Ben has been friends with his boss Joe for many years with very few and short-lived disagreements over the years. Ben is a very responsible and loyal employee and highly valued in the organization. He has always enjoyed working for Joe. But a wedge has come between them, or it’s more accurate to say, a wedge Joe has created – intolerance for Ben’s political view.
Ben writes: Joe always used to greet me and send me referrals; we’d even hug on occasion. Since he found out who I voted for however, he averts his gaze, gives me a gruff “hello” and ignores me the rest of the day. It’s astounding! Occasionally, he pops into my office, sits down, lambasts my position and shares his disbelief at “my ignorance.” He has no patience for hearing my perspective. If I calmly offer to share my side and the facts behind it, he gets red-faced, loud and angry. The staff scatters to an office within earshot to witness the drama. If I ask Joe questions about his position, I get a flurry of expletives and more insults. I want to keep our friendship and my job! Help!
Ben, keep your cool, and show that you care about the friendship and doing your job. Greet him every day as you normally would. At the water cooler talk about what you have in common – projects, family issues etc. If he brings up politics, or makes a remark about your candidate, laugh it off and get back to work. Keep your door open to him and welcome healthy discussion. I suggest you listen to Joe with curiosity and only share support for your position if asked. You can be the sounding board he needs to air his frustrations, but not the whipping post. If the discussions get heated, calmly state that it’s okay that you see things differently and you have work to do.
In time, Joe will see that the tantrums and grudge-holding waste energy and look bad to staff. Conversely, you will be seen as rational, mature and open to healthy conflict – all admirable qualities in life and at the workplace.
The heated political arena is a good test of friendship. Do you need help keeping an open mind and a friendship intact? Contact me at [email protected]
Lynn G. writes: In my quest for a creative project manager, one that could jump start my team and create a little “healthy competition,” I may have made a mistake by hiring Tina (name changed). She is highly productive, but abrasive. In the wake of her accomplishments, Tina is slowly eroding the morale of the team. How do I keep Tina’s behavior in check without losing good staff ?
This is one of the biggest challenges for a young startup. Careful vetting, a preventative measure, is often cut short when you need better numbers fast. Identifying gaps or dysfunction in your existing team is another option to employ before hiring a diva to save the day. Have you clarified your team’s performance expectations and offered clear paths to achieving those expectations? Have you made clear in the hiring process, what behaviors will not be tolerated? In a founder’s haste to please investors and increase sales, it is often common to overlook the weak links in one’s management skills. Since Lynn did not specify behaviors unacceptable to the company from the start, I advised her to spell them out for future hires.
At this point, however, Lynn needs to determine if Tina’s downsides exceed her considerable contributions. Aberrant behavior can tolerated if the behaviors are seen as those in service of the company; it is often a high performer who saves staff jobs.
For now, what is Tina doing that is disruptive enough to justify a warning or an opportunity to change? Does Tina break team communications? Interrupt others? Does she lie, attack, harass or mistreat staff? Does she make people afraid to talk? Do you spend too much time correcting her and making excuses to staff?
Lynn answered “yes” to most of these questions. Lynn’s next steps? A warning? Dismissal? Or is Tina coachable? In the next CE post, I’ll share the qualities that make an employee coachable and some ways for doing so.
Need help in coaching up your diva or aberrant genius? I can help. Contact me at [email protected]
If you are starting fresh with your venture, or even if you’re knee deep in a startup, it’s good to ask yourself: How healthy is my business at this point? According to Patrick Lencioni, an organizational health guru and author of several books on the topic, organizational health is the single greatest factor in determining the success of your startup.
An unhealthy organization is a stressful place to work, mired in confusion and conflict, and under-producing. An organization cannot survive for long under these conditions. Lencioni claims that the health and the ultimate success of an organization rely on two main components: a cohesive leadership team and communication clarity. Does your leadership team:
1) engage in productive, unfiltered discussion and debate?
Or do they stay quiet, nod but secretly disagree, or fear reprisal for pointing out problems?
2) leave meetings with clear, specific and agreed upon next steps?
Or, do people leave meetings with unresolved issues, confusion or partial buy-in?
3) hold each other accountable to commitments and behaviors that reflect the company’s core values? (Have you established core values to behave by?)
Or assuming that you have established core values, do your team decisions and behaviors deviate from those core values?
4) put the company’s priorities ahead of their individual department’s needs?
Or do department heads compete with each other, establish goals that are personally expeditious versus company-focused?
A founder who builds a healthy organization looks first to his or her leadership team − whether it be two of you or twelve of you. It’s easy enough to hire smart leaders (experts in strategy, finance, technology, and marketing) than it is to change unhelpful attitudes and behaviors after they’ve seeped into the guts of the organization. When gossip, sham participation and confusion abound, exceptional (and expensive) talents cannot be fully utilized. Much time and money is lost in rehabilitation. In my experience coaching communication in companies, a healthy organization saves time and money allowing leaders to perform to their potential.
In the next blog post, I’ll address the second distinctive feature of healthy organizations − communication clarity.
Need more simple and time-saving ways to improve your company’s health. Send your comments and questions to me at [email protected]
Highly sensitive people (HSPs) are those who “feel too much” and “too deeply (emotionally)” than the average person. They experience acute physical, mental, and emotional responses to external (social, environmental) or internal (intra-personal) stimuli. Highly Sensitive People are neurologically different from others and have many gifts, but their intense reactions to people and situations often cause confusion, conflict and greater emotional turmoil. In order to foster positive and constructive relationships with a HSP, the less sensitive person, or the person who is less extreme in their responses to various stimuli, must utilize special communication strategies.
Here are 6 of the most helpful strategies:
- Pause for processing. HSPs deeply process internal and external information and the stress of this can be overwhelming. This will look like they are struggling to express themselves. Give attentive silence and avoid interrupting them or feeding them the words you think they are looking for. When they are done talking, tell back how you understand what they said. Conversely, ask them to tell back what you have said to be sure they have understood you and captured your message accurately.
- Notice and gently suggest alternative behaviors. How you point out weaknesses and shortfalls can make or break relationships. Avoid a voice tone that is condescending, patronizing, too loud or parent-like. Say instead, “I noticed that…” or “Are you aware that…” or “Another approach might be to…” These words carry much less blame and shame.
- Timing. Pick the right time to give feedback. If you or they are tired, rushed or upset, it’s likely that your feedback will be less appreciated. No one needs to hear that they did 25 things wrong all at once, and this is especially disturbing for HSPs. Pick the top 1-2 to address at one sitting. Engage in a problem-solving discussion that keeps the emotion from escalating. Notice when they are getting overwhelmed and take a break. They may need more time to process a mistake and a solution than you do.
- Praise and encourage authentically. Be modest and honest in your praise; many HSP shudder when given a compliment, even a well-deserved one. To keep stress low for both of you, try not to get overly excited about their successes or lack of progress. If emotions aren’t kept in check, your highly sensitive friend will lose face if they disappoint you.
- Invite questions. Positive, inspiriting talk and a supportive attitude make you more approachable for questions. They may be hesitant to bother you when they become bogged down with a problem. Let your open door policy (with its boundaries) be known. You may be the “safe” sounding-board they’re looking for. Don’t criticize.
- Don’t rescue them from distress unless absolutely necessary. HSPs learn from their mistakes, but with more pain. If you rescue them too often, they may never acquire the thick skin needed to get through life. Your constant rescuing might actually hinder their growth.
Do you need more help communicating with a highly sensitive employee or co-worker? Contact me at [email protected].
It’s well known that founders are at risk for anxiety and depression. An aspect of entrepreneurship that’s rarely addressed is ‘loneliness.’ The ‘loneliness’ that founders describe is not about living alone or being physically isolated. My clients’ loneliness is more about having to keep doubts and failures secret because they are not living with or surrounded by other self-starter types who “get it.”
A lack of trust, a fear of rocking the boat, losing support or weakening morale combine to create a form of loneliness unique to entrepreneurship.
Here are excerpts from a letter sent by a COREageous subscriber, a founder of a travel design company whose description of ‘founder loneliness’ speaks for many of my clients. He asked for ways to manage the loneliness he experiences much of the time:
…The fact is that I really can’t share my frustrations with anyone inside the company. I have to be so careful what I say to someone, even my co-founder, because somehow that information gets distorted and passed to everyone in the company as it only creates an endless cycle of damage control…
I feel like I lead this double life: my startup and my marriage. I can’t let the two cross paths, meaning I can’t unload on her (every night).
I’d like to share my concerns with my board, but I’m afraid they might lose faith in me, or second guess the project if I do…
My free time and money is limited. How can I deal with this loneliness and keep moving forward?
Here are 7 ways to help busy and cash-strapped entrepreneurs beat loneliness:
1.Reach out anonymously to other entrepreneurs online. You are not alone.
2. Find camaraderie outside of your startup playing on a team, joining a church group or a teaming up on a community project that lifts you up.
3. Share your thoughts with a non-dependent family member you can trust 100%.
4. Find an entrepreneur coach or a mentor. Just an occasional venting and problem-solving session can do wonders.
5.Watch videos and listen to podcasts of entrepreneurs you aspire to − preferably those who had a lot of hard knocks along the way.
6. Journal your concerns and frustrations. Writing them down gets them out of your head, clarifies your thoughts and leads to creative solutions and next steps.
7. Don’t give up.
Feeling anxious, depressed and lonely as a founder? CoreCoaching may be the outlet you need to share concerns and brainstorm solutions. Contact me at [email protected]
You’ll read that most successful entrepreneurs view exercise as a core essential. Regular and rigorous exercise is a habit I urge my clients to adopt. It is the antidote for crazy hours, strict deadlines and massive pressure. It feels good, instills discipline, pumps up energy, focus and positivity, blows off stress and helps you sleep better.
A physically fit founder projects traits that attract investors and customers: competence, resilience and confidence. The exercise habit gets so ingrained that when you catch a cold or the flu you may push yourself too hard, doing your usual routine and end up really sick and for a longer period of time.
Over a weekend visit to my sweet home Chicago, I caught a nasty cold. I returned to a mound of work, including an important presentation to put together in 2 days. Feeling weak and frustrated, unable to do my regular routine, I needed something “exercise-like” to help me get my work done without over-doing caffeine, worsening my headache or wiping me out even more.
My go-to solution: Ki-Hara Stretching, made famous by Olympic Gold Medalist swimmer, Dara Torres. Done slowly, sitting or lying down, and similar to, but more toning than yoga stretches, these gentle stretches gave me the refresh of a spin or boot camp workout without making my chills and fever worse. In fact, following about 10-15 minutes of the stretches, my symptoms lifted quite a bit, and I was able to get through my to-do list efficiently for many hours with energy to spare.(Disclaimer: Before attempting any form of exercise, especially when you have a cold or the flu, it’s smart to check with your doctor)
The next time you’ve got lots to do and get bogged down by a cold or the flu, get whatever rest you can, drink plenty of fluids and Ki-Hara your way back to work.
For more time-saving, entrepreneur-friendly exercise approaches contact me at [email protected]