Emotional self-regulation is an essential core skill for a founder. When challenges mount up, vulnerabilities are unveiled that could sabotage your ability to make good decisions, listen mindfully and get back on track.
For the sake of your startup, know the options for managing your emotions. Here are three routes to consider:
Feeling stressed, tired and aggravated a lot more lately? Is this is a problem you can solve yourself? Are you taking time to relax and re-center yourself? Are you getting good quality sleep and exercise? Can you identify the root of your distress and make the needed adjustments?
Perhaps your anxiety and low mood are due to weaknesses in your executive functioning, communication or leadership skills? Coaching can help. However, a good coach knows when a client needs more than coaching and will direct you to more appropriate services.
Emotional problems stemming from chronic depression, mood swings, insomnia, trauma and dysfunctional relationships are best treated with therapy with or without medication. If you neglect self-care or are drawn to addictive behaviors, these are also good reasons to seek a psychologist or mental health professional as soon as possible.
For more information on CoreCoaching, contact me at Rebecca@MindfulCommunication.com. For a qualified psychotherapist, check out the therapy directory at www.PsychologyToday.com.
As an entrepreneur, worries and concerns come with the territory. Undifferentiated worry often leads to over-thinking and then to anxiety and depression. It’s mentally and physically bad for you and your relationships.
I never understood the value of scheduling a “worry time,” a notion favored by many psychologists. Making a date to freak out with worry seems bizarre to me. Worry is not like a faucet you can turn on and off. When the alarm says to stop pacing and fretting, are you instantly serene and able to take action until your next rendezvous with worry? I don’t think so.
Instead, I suggest using “worry time” in a healthier and productive way. Differentiate your worries by accepting what you can control and what you cannot. Identify the high priority “can control” worries by establishing a prioritization criteria – the factors that make a task or a decision you have to make stand out. This step eliminates all but the most crucial tasks to come forward. Having too many worries in your face all at once is overwhelming.
A good night’s sleep and exercise rally the thinking brain over the emotional brain. This set up allows you to step back 30,000 feet and constructively problem solve one priority item at a time. This mental distancing feels distinctly different from the entrenched, undifferentiated worry state. Speak to yourself aloud as if you were advising a friend with this problem. Draw it out. Write out the pros and cons. Discuss options and make a decision.
Being able to transform “worry” into “constructive problem-solving” is a COREageous skill for surviving and thriving as an entrepreneur.
Need help upgrading your ”worry time?” I’m here for you at Rebecca@MindfulCommunication.com
There are many people who don’t find meditation relaxing. As a matter of fact, for these folks, meditation can be anxiety-producing. Quiet space can become a vacuum for worrisome thoughts to seep in and flood one’s mind with a torrent of terror.
Here’s a meditation method that helps the meditation-averse. It is centered on the breath, brings one into the present and challenges one’s focus at the same time. This form of meditation takes up a lot of mental space and allows little room for the usual culprits to find an opening.
1. Find a quiet spot to sit up tall with shoulders relaxed (not too comfortable of a spot to make you sleepy) and close your eyes.
2. Start with 10 breaths by slowly breathing in through your nose on breath #10 and breathing slowly out on #10. Do the same with breath #9, #8…to #1.
If you lose your place, or other thoughts sneak in, that’s ok, just go back to the breath # you remember. You won’t want to start over, so the object is to keep the count in your head as you breathe. Gradually, work up to 15 – 25 breaths for a sitting.
If you still find your mind drifting to unhelpful thoughts, then make it more challenging. Count each breath backwards as before, but when you inhale do so on a count of 4 (about 4 sec), hold your breath for a count of 7 (about 7 sec) and exhale for a count of 8 (about 8 sec).
This method requires a bit more “thinking” than the average meditation guru would recommend, but it can help meditation-averse folks get the benefits of traditional meditation.
Need more ways to regulate your emotions and improve your focus? Try CoreCoaching. Contact me at Rebecca@MindfulCommunication.com
These folks talk incessantly, often off topic. They see that you want to make a comment or ask a question and talk over you about something else interesting to them. Some people get so deeply into their monologues that you, as the listener, may feel invisible.
Interestingly, this anxious behavior mounts in the presence of authority figures (parents, bosses, etc.) who are typically judgmental or punitive. These over-talkers are avoiding the topics that may elicit shame or blame. Conversely, when they are surrounded by their peers in more accepting situations, this behavior is reduced. As a founder or manager, there are ways to help the over-talker be less anxious and fearful.
To help them get comfortable with you, have more frequent conversations on lighter topics that do not arouse this fear response. Let them know the lighter topics to be discussed in advance of the conversation, if possible. Reinforce any positive restraint to over talk.
For heavier discussions, get responses to these concerns writing.
When an exchange must occur in person and the over-talking persists, mention your frustration – you may need to talk over them until they stop talking! Tell him or her that because you want to help these conversations be more productive you will signal (raising an index finger or standing up) your desire to speak.
If they ignore the cues and appear totally helpless in curbing this behavior, the most helpful thing you can do is suggest they seek professional help.
Social anxiety is a common communication problem. It can be highly dysfunctional and prevent a person from contributing to the team in a positive way. Look into CoreCoaching. Contact me at Rebecca@MindfulCommunication.com
Perhaps the most common concern my entrepreneur clients report is anxiety and its cousin, insomnia. Founders have every reason to be anxious. In fact, if they are perfectly at ease with their startup, I get suspicious! For those new to entrepreneurship there are constant battles between vision and reality, hope and doubt, deadlines and the worry of having no deadlines at all. I encourage my entrepreneurs-at- risk to hold off on big, costly decisions until they get a handle on their anxiety. Control over anxiety means:
consistently good sleep
giving emotion a back seat when solving a problem
being able to re-frame mistakes and setbacks and move forward
the ability to inhibit impulsive actions and reactions.
Emotional control is one of the four core skills essential to healthy and successful entrepreneurship.
A review of the most helpful of anxiety-reducing activities include: meditation, yoga, exercise, visualization and mindfulness training etc. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is another fine option, but it requires regular sessions and practice. Others benefit from software tools like The Muse, Wild Divine, Heartmath and other kinds of biofeedback. The usual objections to these approaches include “not enough time,” or “the more I try to quiet my mind, the louder it gets.”
Let me tell you about another safe, effective, well-tested approach for anxiety, insomnia (and depression). It is a form of cranial-electrotherapy called Alpha-Stim. It is a user-friendly, handheld device the size of a cell phone. It requires no practice or effort by the user, and it can be used while doing most other activities except driving.
Moods and emotions are controlled through electro-chemical signals in your brain. When these signals aren’t functioning properly, the hormones and neurotransmitters that regulate your emotions can become unbalanced resulting in an anxious state.
The Alpha-Stim device generates a signal that produces a waveform conducive to calmness and a better state of mind − the Alpha frequency (8-12 Hz). The Alpha-Stim has been very helpful with many of my clients. For those that notice no change with the Alpha-Stim, other approaches such medications or neurofeedback may be more helpful.
If you are local to the Boston MetroWest area, we offer a personalized Alpha-Stim demonstration and educational session at the Hallowell Center in Sudbury, Mass. If you’d like to make an appointment call 978 287 0810.
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Emotional self-regulation is an essential core skill for a founder. When challenges mount up, vulnerabilities are unveiled that could sabotage your ability to make good decisions, listen mindfully and get back on track.
As an entrepreneur, worries and concerns come with the territory. Undifferentiated worry often leads to over-thinking and then to anxiety and depression. It’s mentally and physically bad for you and your relationships.
There are many people who don’t find meditation relaxing. As a matter of fact, for these folks, meditation can be anxiety-producing. Quiet space can become a vacuum for worrisome thoughts to seep in and flood one’s mind with a torrent of terror.
These folks talk incessantly, often off topic. They see that you want to make a comment or ask a question and talk over you about something else interesting to them. Some people get so deeply into their monologues that you, as the listener, may feel invisible.
Perhaps the most common concern my entrepreneur clients report is anxiety and its cousin, insomnia. Founders have every reason to be anxious. In fact, if they are perfectly at ease with their startup, I get suspicious! For those new to entrepreneurship there are constant battles between vision and reality, hope and doubt, deadlines and the worry of having no deadlines at all. I encourage my entrepreneurs-at- risk to hold off on big, costly decisions until they get a handle on their anxiety. Control over anxiety means:
"It takes more than courage to be an Entrepreneur, it takes CORE."