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A Founder Ready to Listen

by | January 17, 2021 | Entrepreneurship

When a startup is hanging on by its fingernails, when the reasons aren’t obvious or when the path to change is unclear, an employee survey or interviews by a neutral third party can provide helpful insight.

Chris, a founder and CEO of a troubled startup, was shocked by an internal survey showing that the poor customer service and low productivity had lots to do with him. Over the last year, Chris spent several thousand dollars on staff “kick-it-up” activities to motivate the team and to paint himself as a “nice guy to work for” while regularly pointing to the inadequacies and laziness of his team. This combination of tricks and treats created a cognitive dissonance and a lack of trust within the team.

Embarrassed, humbled and fraught with the worry that his startup was on the brink, Chris reached out for help.

The team’s feedback indicated, almost unanimously, that Chris needs to listen better.  Chris needed to start with some self-reflection, some accountability for how he is heard by his team and customers before being able to extend a listening ear to others.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, or if you want to take some preventative measures, consider the questions below that helped clarify Chris’s need for change:

  • Do you ask more questions than you lecture?
  • Do you follow through with the answers you give?
  • Are you clear and consistent with your expectations?
  • What’s your ratio of negative to positive talk during meetings?
  • How do you react to your team when they make a mistake?
  • When giving criticism do adjust your delivery to the person’s sensitivities and strengths?

Need help with your ability to listen mindfully to your employees and customers? Get the book, “The Zen of Listening: Mindful Communication in the Age of Distraction”  written by yours truly, now on Audible.com, or contact me for more personal training.

Fear of Feedback

by | December 2, 2018 | Blog, Entrepreneurship, Lifestyle

Q: We have a very sensitive engineer who is key to our startup. My partner and I have to be very careful how we phrase anything regarding his work. I’m not even talking about constructive criticism; it may just be something said in passing. We try very hard not to say anything that may be misconstrued, but you just never know what is going to be misinterpreted. How do you suggest dealing with this employee?

For many, fear of feedback (including compliments) is a problem. The most common reason for someone to be this sensitive is that in their past they were severely and frequently criticized, so even the mildest suggestion is painful. They may express this fear of feedback in several self-sabotaging ways: denial, procrastination, rigidity, avoidance, jealousy, brooding etc. It’s extremely self-limiting burden to bear, personally and professionally. Any slight suggestion is interpreted as failure or rejection. An extreme fear of feedback is a condition called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) and improved only with medication.

Your employee’s sensitivity to feedback may require some outside coaching or some clinical help, but here are things you can do:

1) Increase trust. Schedule a short coffee break with him a couple times a week to talk about his interests or how the startup is moving along. Point out general areas of improvement that are needed within your startup (marketing, beta testing, quality control etc.) and share the remedial steps that others had to take.

2) Get his perspective on ways to make the company better, and how to implement those improvements. Let him know you appreciate the perspective sharing. This is a good way to model how positively feedback can be received and put to work.

3) Gradually, I would point out a change that he needs to make in order to make the company better and possibly to incentivize him. Use numbers and benchmarks. Avoid making any direct attacks on his performance; keep it more “big picture.” Break it down the change into do-able steps with opportunities for regular updates.

4) Verbally reinforce any progress made toward change.

If that fails, coaching is a good next step. As a coach, I would help him identify the emotion behind his reaction, and help him re-frame the criticism to loosen the grip of the negative association. Next, I would help him approach the needed change by breaking down the task to small, satisfying and manageable chunks. In my experience, this results in decreasing the fear of feedback, and in most cases, creating a healthier attitude around feedback.

If the fear of feedback prevents you from advancing in your career and in your relationships, let’s have a talk. Contact me at Rebecca@MindfulCommunication.com.