No matter what your age, IQ or educational status, you may be sabotaging yourself by excessive agreeability and indecisiveness.
When we try to please and take on too much responsibility, we get overwhelmed and create resentment towards ourselves and the people we want to please.
It’s a queasy feeling to be manipulated by those who are very good at asking for favors, delegating and propping you up with compliments. Others have higher expectations than we can deliver. It’s even worse to disappoint people when you don’t follow through. Feeling manipulated by others AND disappointed in ourselves is toxic to our mental health.
Your actions may leak your discomfort with being too agreeable or indecisive. The leaks come in the form of tentative and wishy-washy language, stuttering, loss of eye contact, neck scratching and shifting around in your seat. Or conversely, your desire to please is so reflexive that you jump right in with a bold and convincing “Yes, I’ll do it!” before you’ve fully assessed the request. The malaise creeps in shortly thereafter.
It’s good to be ambitious, to take on challenging tasks in order to learn a new skill or add to your career capital. But it’s important to be kind to yourself at the same time — establish boundaries, be realistic and measured in what you agree to do.
Need help in being decisive, standing your ground, saying ‘no’ and using language ( verbal and non-verbal) that set boundaries? Contact me at Rebecca@MIndfulCommunication.com
